I have a fairly interesting relationship with religion. I basically grew up deist. I would pray to god when I didn't study for a test and was worried that I might fail(but who hasn't? haha). About half way through High School I was in a really dark place in life. I eventually met this girl who invited me to church, I went, and a few weeks later I saved by the blood of the lamb! Finding a new perspective on everything brought a lot of joy into my life. Sadly... all didn't end happily ever after.
I sank myself into the church after that. It became everything to me. I loved god/church/jesus with every bit of passion and emotion that I could muster. Over the next several years I went on mission trips, helped out with youth group, eventually taught a bible study, and made many friends along the way.
Due to the fact that I was teaching the bible, listening to a few sermons every day, and going to church 6 times a week... I became very acquainted with the bible and its teachings. And, as many of us do, I eventually ran into questions that didn't have answers. When presented with enough questions that don't have answers, you start to question WHY you believe. After enough time, my faith gave out. I hit a wall where believe for the sake of faith wasn't enough. I refused, and still refuse to have faith without reason. While I occasionally still long for the days when life was simple.. I'll never be the same again. I'll end this with a quote from a friend who went through a similar experience.
"Unlike many people, I do not have the ability to repress true belief in order to obtain temporal comfort or social expedience. Many times have I longed for ignorance and the simplicity it brings - yet I have done so in vain. That which I have thought cannot be unthought and that which seems true cannot be falsified by power of will."
- Kevin Schmi
