• HEAVENSJOKE Identifies As:
  • Gender: Female
  • Orientation:Pansexual, Polysexual
  • STATS Height: 5'03"
  • Weight: 280 lbs
  • Age: 35 years old.

  • Last time online It's been a while
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My Description

All I need now is intellectual intercourse...

Daughter of a Preacher man My parents divorced when I was 6 and that was when my father "found God". He started making me and my older brother go to church every week and attend Sunday School. As a child, I never questioned it. I had friends at church so I had fun there. But it was around age 12 that I started studying for my Confirmation. It was at that time that I actually started paying attention to what I was learning. I was reading the Bible regularly and even at a young age, I noticed a lot of plot holes and contradictions in the Bible that didn't sit well with me. After my dad met his second wife, we switched churches and I got a whole new group of friends and they were all "saved". My dad was ordained and became one of the ministers at the new church. I was now spending 6 days a week at church and having the Bible shoved down my throat. I was harboring the belief that if my faith in God was strong enough, everything would be fine. But the more I studied and the more I prayed, the less I believed. When I came out to my father as bisexual at the age of 15 (I had come out to my mom when I was 13) his reaction was to tell me that I was choosing to turn my back on God and that I will go to hell for this. This was my major wake up call. How could an omniscient, benevolent deity possibly condemn me to an eternity of suffering because of how HE made me? It was then that I lost my faith. But since then, I have studied hosts of other religions and have come to the conclusion that they are all bat-s--- crazy! And I want no part of any of them. My allegiance is to science and reason. The day someone shows me scientific evidence of God, Satan, Allah, Zeus, Hell, Heaven, or even the existence of Jesus, I might reconsider. But since I am sure this won't happen (EVER) I am not holding my breath.

About Me  (My Interests / Hobbies / Groups)

Body Type
fat and proud, thick, pleasantly plump, voluptuous
animation, horror, classics, action, romantic comedy, psychological thrillers, sci-fi, drama, nothing but porn, bollywood, mockumentaries, comedy, fantasy, indie
Eye Color
Hair Color
red, depends on the day of the week
polyamorous, single - never married
Have Kids
no - do not want kids
Education Level
college grad
Food Service
Income level
that's private
Do you smoke?
only when I drink, socially, 420, hookah
I currently live
with roommate(s), with pets
Socially, I am
anti-social, home body, a couch potato, a total freak, social butterfly, class clown, dealing with OCD, flirt, better in small groups, comic relief, loner
Political Views
liberal, progressive, independent, socialist, green party
Food Related
Omnivore, BRAINS!!!, Chocoholic, Indian, French, Japanese, Sushi, Hot Sauce on Everything, Mediterranean, Chinese, Eat Out Frequently, Diet Phobic, Caribbean, Comfort, Fine Dining, Organic, Italian, Soul Food, Thai, Carnivore, Spicy, Gluten-free Diet, Mexican
total slacker, intellectual, frugal, freak, activist, introvert, thrifty, nerd, liberal, fun loving, professional, loner, clown, punk, artistic, flirt, tree hugger, lover, romantic, geek
nudist, psychic, vampire, werewolf, cougar, piercings, artist, tattoos, circus clown, paranormal believer, ghost hunter, freak
Religious Views
let's see, how should I answer this (wink, wink), socially
I'm looking for
something REALLY hot, soulmate, travel companion, mr. right, the yin to my yang, mr. right now, romance, miss right, relationship, miss right now, dating, friends - with benefits
My Sign
i was born in july, cancer : june 21-july 22
Fish, Dogs, Cats
Folk, Metal, Screamo, Soul, Hard Rock, Motown, Techno, Funk, Punk, Heavy Metal, Opera, Trance, Alternative Rock, House, Pop, Bluegrass, Indie, Post Rock, Celtic, Industrial, Progressive Rock, Classical, Jazz, R and B, Reggae, Dance, Jazz-Fusion, Rock, Ska
Hair Style
Fitness & Sports
yoga, walking, swimming, dancing
Health Related
eastern medicine, herbalism, holistic treatment, homeopathy, obsessive-compulsive disorder, western medicine, naturopathy, therapy, alternative medicine
English, Pig Latin, The Language of Love, Pirate

Atheist ; Freethinker ; Humanist ; Blissfully Godless ; I Do Not Believe In Gods ; I Believe In Science ; Live For Today! ; Ex-Christian

About My Match  (What I'm looking for)

divorced, separated, single, single - never married, widowed
Have Kids
yes, no - open to adoption, no - maybe with the right person, no - definitely want them though, yes - single parent home
Their Education Level
Bachelor's Degree, college grad, currently in college, Doctorate, graduate school, high school grad, Master's Degree, post-Graduate, some college
Do they smoke?
electronic cigarettes, 420, ceremonial smoking, clove cigarettes, for medicinal purposes, hookah, no - open to dating smokers though, only when I drink, pipe, socially
Do they drink?
beer, socially, no, only blood, wine, in recovery
Political Views
democrat, green party, not interested in politics, independent, liberal, libertarian, progressive, socialist, the conservative party (canada), the conservative party (uk), the labour party (uk), the liberal party (canada), the liberal democrats (uk)
lover, pirate, nerd, preppy, professional, punk, romantic, thrifty, total slacker, tree hugger, liberal, activist, artistic, burner (burning man participant), clown, coffeeholic, dominatrix, extrovert, fashionista, frugal, fun loving, geek, hipster, intellectual, loner, introvert, flirt
every chance I get, does coffee count?, let's see, how should I answer this (wink, wink), socially, what, are you a nark?, burning man rocks...wait, what was the question
Female, Male
Italian, Latin, Hebrew, Greek, German, French, English, Leet, Na'vi, Pig Latin, Pirate, Portuguese, Russian, Spanish, The Language of Love, Elvish

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