Flapjackgodfly, 57

On my free time I make homemade fudge for blind albino aborigine midgets.
I also like to play naked full contact battleship for gold coins,
And on thursdays I scuba dive for pearls at the local Y.M.C.A.
I wrestle polar bears for extra beer money. I'm 1/2 Jewish 1/2 Irish so I like my alcohol and I get it 1/2 price.
I wear an extra pair of underwear on the outside of my pants so if I get in an accident I always have a spare, (plus it just looks cool).


I am highly allergic to oxygen, so I have trained my body to breath cottage cheese. And I also train badgers to do peoples taxes (no success yet but fingers crossed).
I once ruled the world when it was under sea, and I don't believe in the color blue.


When I have extra time I like to whittle prosthetic foreheads out of canned yams.
I eat twice a day and always the same thing, grapes and bacon grease. I go everywhere by electric wheelchair,(I can walk, I'm just that lazy).
I collect english to german translation books,784 so far and I still can not speak german.

I spend all my money on dental floss because I scrape the wax off to make candles in the likeness of Clint Howard.
Every winter I go to the antarctic to club baby navy seals,
I only own one movie that I watch over and over and over again(I can't remember the name of it right now).

I also have an extensive sideburn collection that I put on display every year at the annual giant sideburn and toenail show that I hold in my basement,(so far only myself and my A-Team action figures attend).
I had my own sloth shaveing business, but it was shut down by the E.P.A. (or was it the I.N.S? I can't remember).