Advice:

[tomcat24m]

Truth is, I'm married. My wife is atheist "but believes in angels" which is harmless, nonetheless I find hard to respect. We have a child together.

I find my wife to be lazy. I have been asking her to get a job or do more around the house. (it took a separation and years of fighting just to get to a point that she will change my daughters diapers, and do the house chores while I am at work) anytime I bring it up she starts yelling and saying just want a trophy wife or something along those lines.

So the questions is this: Is it wrong to expect your wife to help support the household financially (get a job)? Should I support her want to stay at home, even though we can't afford it?

Second question: If I have been in this situation for such a long time and I feel trapped since I have a kid. the separation we had was hell. Constant phone calls with voice mails threatening to move out of state with my kid and so on. I can't really afford a divorce. Was it wrong for me to sleep with another person during that separation, and is it wrong for me to "look for other opportunities" while I am still married with a strict rule of no S-- until I am separated again.

This is a very hard question to ask since there is so much "bad karma" around it. It took me a year and a half to get the guts to post it on this site. So I appreciate your input, but go easy on me.

[resary]

`Question one: No, it isn't wrong to expect your wife to get a job, as long as her being a stay at home mom wasn't part of the original plan for your life together. If you choose to support her desire to stay at home, you're going to make this worse for yourself. Being a mother who stays at home is usually MORE demanding that a regular 40hr/week job and here's why...with only one income, the home parent is responsible for money saving programs (coupon clipping/sale searching/etc) along with nutrition for the family, housekeeping, schooling (if you homeschool) etc etc. If she can't be bothered to even change a diaper, she's going to be a lousy homemaker. And that's what staying home is supposed to be about...MAKING a HOME! That includes working on your own personal traits to help your husband NOT be miserable....

Sorry, dude............I've got a bit of a soapbox...

Second question: Sleeping with someone else while separated is not wrong, its natural. You're an evolved being, blame your ancestors. So, with that out of the way, we are on to soapbox number 2. Just because you're miserable now, and being apart from her was WAY worse, that does not mean you can't make this work. Romantic love is a lie that many of us were sold at a young age and a glance across a crowded room does not a marriage make. Marriage is work, HARD work and if you're going to MAKE it work, it's going to suck the life right out of you for awhile. Keep trying.

[tomcat24m]

`Wow resary,
Thank you for this wonderful response. It is what I have been thinking this whole time, but unable to actually say without starting up a fight that would last for a whole day. At least I am not alone in this one.