Truthiracy3, 45

I'm actually just looking for the truth. I'm upset because I made a lot of decisions in my life based on being a "God fearing woman", which I now totally regret. I turned my back on a beautiful, good woman, because "it was wrong". I shunned my sister for being gay. I even looked down on my mother for being a witch after being brainwashed by my Christian grandparents. I don't blame them. They were indoctrinated also. I just feel so cheated out of life; violated. Truthiracy3 on YouTube opened my eyes to the fact that Jesus isn't real and that is a very hard pill to swallow. I mean, what do I do with that information? All my friends and family are Christian. So, now I'm the black sheep. Don't get me wrong. I always knew there was something wrong with a god that allegedly knew everything, before and after, including the fact that over 3/4 of his creation would burn in hell for eternity, yet still made us. I even said inside "why would I want to serve a sick mf like that?"... but I stood in service, because I thought it was the right thing to do & felt miserable from guilt and shame when I fell short. "God" only knows the things I've done to medicate. My 2 sons' salvation mean the most to me. To find out it's all a sham is just devastating and I'm quite pissed, but still scared I could be wrong. I'm not sure what to believe anymore.